Catholic students learn about Passover

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-beliefs6-2009apr06,0,5830365.story

First of all, how cool! I think it's awesome that people of different faiths can connect in this way.

anyway, Back to the piece.

I really liked the lead, it was startling and captured my attention. I also liked the diversity of sources that the journalist found. He interviewed everyone from leaders in the Jewish and Catholic faith communities to students. There were also a lot of interesting details included in the story. I don't think there were any holes...everything was pretty much covered.

That being said, I think this story had a problem with being concise. Some details were included where they didn't need to be, as well as some unnecessary details. For example, telling us in the 5th paragraph that Jeret and Smith sat next to each other was unnecessary. I understand that it is a good image that represents the two faiths coexisting, but it was in a random place in the middle of the paragraph. Also, we don't need to know that Smith has gray hair.

Another example where the piece could have been more concise was the quote, "The history between Catholics and Jews has not always been pleasant." After the journalist spent a paragraph taking about the holocaust and other such horrible events. This quote doesn't really add anything to the story that hasn't already been said. A lot of the quotes were bland, unnecessary or redundant. Sentences like: "Elsewhere, Catholic students also are attending Seders. This year, for example, all 1,200..." Are wordy. The piece could definitely be more concise/less wordy. There is also a definite lack of attribution aside from direct quotes.

In addition, the piece jumped around a lot. It was hard to follow in places.

Also, I really liked the ending quote. I thought it tied everything together and made the topic universal.

So while I thought this piece covered all the ground really well, it could have definitely had some spicier quotes and been more concise.

Happy Monday!

PS, I stumbled on this and thought it was funny: