Catholic students learn about Passover

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-beliefs6-2009apr06,0,5830365.story

First of all, how cool! I think it's awesome that people of different faiths can connect in this way.

anyway, Back to the piece.

I really liked the lead, it was startling and captured my attention. I also liked the diversity of sources that the journalist found. He interviewed everyone from leaders in the Jewish and Catholic faith communities to students. There were also a lot of interesting details included in the story. I don't think there were any holes...everything was pretty much covered.

That being said, I think this story had a problem with being concise. Some details were included where they didn't need to be, as well as some unnecessary details. For example, telling us in the 5th paragraph that Jeret and Smith sat next to each other was unnecessary. I understand that it is a good image that represents the two faiths coexisting, but it was in a random place in the middle of the paragraph. Also, we don't need to know that Smith has gray hair.

Another example where the piece could have been more concise was the quote, "The history between Catholics and Jews has not always been pleasant." After the journalist spent a paragraph taking about the holocaust and other such horrible events. This quote doesn't really add anything to the story that hasn't already been said. A lot of the quotes were bland, unnecessary or redundant. Sentences like: "Elsewhere, Catholic students also are attending Seders. This year, for example, all 1,200..." Are wordy. The piece could definitely be more concise/less wordy. There is also a definite lack of attribution aside from direct quotes.

In addition, the piece jumped around a lot. It was hard to follow in places.

Also, I really liked the ending quote. I thought it tied everything together and made the topic universal.

So while I thought this piece covered all the ground really well, it could have definitely had some spicier quotes and been more concise.

Happy Monday!

PS, I stumbled on this and thought it was funny:

An artistic tradition flourishes for Palm Sunday

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-palm-sunday-art4-2009apr04,0,5597153.story

Okay...so my first thought...

Most of LA Times stories have a couple bold lines at the beginning of their stories that is kind of like a pre-lead summary. Is that what a deck is? These are always super helpful, when I'm going through a story to see if it's something i wanna read. I read the title, the little blurb, look at the pictures and maybe read the lead. I think that's what makes the lead so important. Anyway...

So, I wanted to do an experiment with this piece. Because I think the structure of a story is one of the hardest aspects of journalism. So, I copy & pasted the story into a word document and highlighted each logical section with a different color. Here's what I came up with:

- "deck" (if that's what it is)
- The first three paragraphs are specific history on Torres, the subject of our story
- the next two paragraphs read like an explanatory piece, explaining how the palms are put together
- The next blurb & quote are misc. details
- the next two big paragraphs are background information on Palm Sunday
- the next three paragraphs zoom out to Palm art across cultures & around the world
- the next three paragraphs are more specific history on Torres
- the next seven mini-paragraphs explain specifically how the weaving is done.
- The last paragraph is a kicker which sets the scene of where the palms end up

so it goes: scene-setting lead --> Torres' history --> Palm art process --> misc. details --> Palm Sunday --> Palm sunday around the world --> Torres' history --> Palm art process --> scene-setting Kicker

Okay, so when I first read this piece I was trying to pay close attention to the structure, because it really seemed like it was all over the place. Parts of it read like an explanatory story, parts of it read like a profile of Torres, but i felt like the structure was scattered... When I did my little color-coded break down, I saw that the story definitely has a structure because it comes full circle. The focus is, at its narrowest, on Torres' Palm Art business, then it zooms out to Palm art in general, then to Palm Sunday in general, then back to Torres' Palm Art.

This doesn't necessarily fit any of the structures we've learned in class (maybe a "kabob"?) but I think it's okay because it has a structure of its own. I also like that the piece started with a scene setter lead and then ended with a scene-setting kicker.

Alright, now that I am done micro-analyzing the structure...on to some other stuffs.

First off, the picture was so cool! The caption & the picture were what drew me in and made me decide to read this piece. It's cool to think about all the work that probably went into selecting that particular picture...

I also really liked the scene setter lead. I attempted one of those for my last piece and I had trouble because every time I reworked it, it was either too detailed or too bland...but the journalist definitely found a happy medium. The lead was interesting, concise and not overly-descriptive.

One thing I did notice was that there was not much attribution. There were only 3 direct quotes in the whole piece, and only one from Torres, (who most of the piece was focused on.)

Also, I feel like part of the job of a reporter is to make sure to explain things, because you don't know how much your audience knows about the topic. That being said, I had no idea what the, "Roman Catholic Diocese of Orange," was...I'm protestant, so I'm not familiar with the catholic institutional structure. I don't think that journalists should talk to their audience as if they were stupid, but I do think it's necessary to explain more obscure things.

The piece was pretty good overall. It definitely has a sweet lead, a functional and different structure, it comes full circle, it is interesting, timely and it explains on many different levels.

It could have a little more attribution, and it could also do with a little more explanation.


p.s. this has nothing to do with anything, but it is my favorite quote and i wanted to share it...

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars"

night! Happy Palm Sunday!